Do you remember the day when if you said that you were gay
It meant with joy, you could sing and shout?
When a fairy was enchanting and dressing up and camping
Was something you did with the Scouts?
That innocent age when an urgent case of aids
Was powdered milk we sent to the Sahara.
A fruit was something nice to eat, a poof was something for your feet
And a queen was an old tart in a tiara.

Ah, look what we've done to the old Mother Tongue
It's a crime, the way we've misused it.
It's been totally tiswoggled, tronged and longed and gollywobbled
And we've strangled, frangled, mangled and abused it.

Ah, those halcyon times when a bong meant a chime
And a buzz was a noise insecticidal
A joint meant something between bones and getting really stoned
Only happened to bad people in the Bible.
When if you had a bad trip it meant you fell and broke your hip.
Cold turkey just meant Christmas at Aunt Dottie's.
Coke was something that you burned, smack was something that you earned
From your mumsy-wumsy when you had been naughty.

The years have gone, I'm afraid, when only eggs got laid,
And only the rhinosaurus got horny.
Only kangaroos jumped and only camels humped
Getting stuffed meant a little taxidermy.
Swinging was for trapezes or Tarzan's chimpanzeses
Tossing off was something Scotsmen did with cabers.
Now it means something quite obscene while a heavy ugly scene
Is any movie starring Arnold Schwartzenegger.

They're only words, and words are what we use,
When we've got sod-all to say.